Say What?

Here is the report on my dance drama. This is what happens when your life outside of dance is unbearably stressful and the negative voices have a field day.

My lessons have been a mixture of Teach trying to talk me into doing Fall Classic (the comp) and working on my standing leg. I told him that Fall Classic was not happening at this point and we continued to work. I really wish I could put it all together. While working on legs, my frame gets wimpy, etc. So here I am working my butt off and Teach stops me and assumes the “I have something important to say” stance. He tells me, ” You’re dancing at only 50%. I can’t teach you unless you make mistakes. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. You have everything there- footwork, musicality, rhythm, arm styling, but I need more so I can teach you.” Hmmmmmm. It sounds all right. Good even. I left feeling ok after our chat. I’m good! Yay! A few hours later I was thinking, “Wait a minute, Is he FIRING me?!” The pep talk wasn’t sounding so good anymore.

I got home and things just got more confusing. Hubs asked me why Fall Classic wasn’t on the calendar. I told him that if I had a choice between a vacation with my family and Fall Classic that I would rather go away with him. He just blasé told me he couldn’t get off so I should just do the comp. Well, Ok. By this point I’m livid at Teach (50%! FIFTY PERCENT!!) and completely torn about Fall Classic.

A few days later I called the studio and talked to Manager Lady. She detailed everything out for me and even though my dance world had shattered into a million little pieces by this point, I will be doing my first comp in November. I’ll save the happy dance for when I’ve talked with Teach about how my dancing, life, career, and body image all feel at an all time low. If he’s going to tell me I’m only giving him 50%, he’d better be prepared for the aftershocks.

Hopefully this was readable. During my few weeks of cooling down, I’ve really enjoyed reading about everyone and their dance adventures.


2 thoughts on “Say What?

  1. Interesting comment but it still sounds like a positive to me. For what its worth, I would interpret this as him thinking you’ve got all the tools but he needs to push you a little bit to keep improving them. Maybe he senses you are holding back. Probably not concerned about the physical work you are doing but maybe he feels the mental stuff is keeping you back. In any case, good luck at the comp. You’ll be great.

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  2. My teacher tells me similar things a lot. I play it safe, like when I’m not sure if something’s right, I just won’t do anything. But it’s not right to hold back either. It’s kinda like you just have to take a deep breath and jump into the dark, scary waters.

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