As you are no doubt aware, I signed up for a competition. It’s on November 13th. I am officially more poor than I would like to be, but the papers are signed and the money has been handed over. I wish I were more excited. I’m just feeling a sense of blah, with a small dose of nerves, about the whole thing.
My lessons have been great. Teach is giving me tentative choreography for our dances. He gives short wall and long wall choreography and then just repeats. I guess this is fine. What do I know? He also prefers to use steps that are already in muscle memory so that there’s not too much thinking going on about steps – this leaves room for performance, and just having fun. Again, what do I know. Sounds fine to me.
Over the past few weeks he’s been choreographing for me. If there’s something I really want in the routine, he tries to add it. All four American Smooth dances are done. It’s not too complicated. We’ve practiced our entrances and how we’re going to start each dance. Next week I have the privilege of dancing our routines by myself. Oh, joy! (I hope you’re sensing the sarcasm – this sounds like hell to me.) I know this will improve my dancing; he can’t see what I’m doing when he’s dancing with me. I just need to be in a good mood so I can take the criticism without sending me into a funk.
On a good note, we videoed the routines so that I could review them. This could potentially be a very bad thing for me mentally. I don’t like to look at myself. Yet, I watched them and thought, “I’m not half bad.” We weren’t even full on dancing and I was pleased with what I saw! What a huge breakthrough for me. It may have been because of how Blah I’ve been feeling, but I’ll take it anyway.
I’m wondering why I’m not more excited. Maybe it’s because I see it so cynically. I know I’m not good enough to win anything. I also know I don’t spend enough money to make it so that I do win anything. Let’s be honest, they need to keep those big spenders happy. I know it’s not all about winning. I know that the experience is great and that it will spur me on in my dancing. I need to be adult enough to not expect a trophy for arriving (like spoiled kids do these days). It’s just that some part of me wants to be fantastic. I love dance so much that I want to out shine everyone and it doesn’t work that way. So we’ll see what ends up happening these next weeks. Maybe I’ll go into the comp very excited. Until then, I wish everyone happy dancing!