Foray Into Silver

This past week I had a coaching lesson with one of the other studio managers. It was kind of weird because I still have I’m JUST beginning silver smooth Bambi legs. All the other coachings I’ve had I at least knew a bit of what I was doing before going into the coaching. It ended up fine, of course. They know how to teach and I’m way to hard on myself. Teach began by mentioning to this coach that I wasn’t sure I was ready for silver, and, funnily enough, she told me that some students are termed forever bronze and I wasn’t one of them! I thought I made up that term all by myself. Guess I’m not as clever as I thought.

We started with Foxtrot because that’s the only dance I’ve done any silver in at all. To be honest, I can’t even remember all the things she tweaked. What ended up staying with me is that I need to stay with my partner better. It’s interesting because I have a reputation as a good follow, but I’ve become so used to bronze syllabus and so in tune with Teach’s lead that I was only half heartedly following. I didn’t need to devote energy to it because I already knew what was coming. Now I have to think about it again. She talked about how I would be just a moment shy of late in my slow, but it’s not really late. To wait for teach to initiate the final movement. She announced me much improved by the end of Foxtrot. This was one of the times I actually felt the difference, so , YAY!

We moved on to Tango. I have not had the honor of being exposed to basic Silver Tango timing yet. That wasn’t too difficult to understand and it really makes it sharper and sexier. (I can’t believe I typed that) But the figures are ridiculous! Teach and coach were trying to figure out which figure they wanted to teach me and they all looked crazy difficult. Each figure takes an entire wall! (Feel free to laugh at my nieveity) I finally had to interject my opinion and they taught me the easiest of the figures. Basically it introduced me to a fallaway type of step with a ronde. Then I had to learn how to ronde correctly… You get the picture. More on Tango later in my non-coaching lesson.

Coach calls Viennese Waltz the Venomous Waltz. Seriously, I love this woman! She didn’t have much to say here, but she helped me spot better so that I wouldn’t get as dizzy. I used to be better at this and I don’t know what happened. Maybe it’s because VW is my least practiced Smooth dance. All good reminders though.

I really liked working with this coach. I’m not going to give her a name because I can’t think of one and I don’t know if I’ll ever work with her again. I will if I can though because she’s funny and very real. She has to be the only chunky dancer I know. After our coaching she went and bought a pizza to chow down on. I kid you not.

My lesson with teach followed the awesome coaching. We reviewed everything from the prior lesson and then he focused on the dreaded CBM – counter body movement. Where your upper body and lower body seem to be going in different directions. Where you look like a wringed out towel or a barber shop pole. Nice, huh? One of the big concepts of Silver. Tango is where he brought it in to. Let me tell you, there’s nothing like going straight, to the left, to the right and doing it pigeon-toed all at the same time. That’s all I can say about that. Let’s leave it at this being something that’s going to take a lot of time.

On to emotions and feelings. Yuck. I’m ok with being Silver now. I think I needed it. Look at how much I have to talk about now. But I’m struggling with being the baby fish again. It was nice to be a shining star at the top of bronze. Coachings were little tweaks to arm styling and fingers within that styling! Now it’s about figures and timing and steps again. I can’t even do them in proper frame. It’s a bit humbling. Teach tried to make me feel better by telling me that I’m one of only five students who dance at a silver level in that particular studio. It does help to know that this studio doesn’t graduate just anyone. If you don’t meet specific  technique minimums (I’m not sure what they are) then you don’t move up.

The other thing I’m struggling with is related to money, of course. First, my jealousy is getting the better of me again. I hate it when being jealous of others takes joy from my own dance journey. It’s not their fault, it’s mine. It seems that everyone can dance more than me. They take so many lessons. They progress quicker with all the coachings and lessons and competitions. I’m friends on Facebook with several and they’re always doing something. Travel, competing, etc. My green monster is in full swing. Second, I don’t think I’m going to have enough to compete this year. Several big bills have come my way and I’m not going to be able to save enough for dance. I’ll continue with my lessons, but no more. I have to let Teach know next lesson. I’m not too torn up about that, though. Team Match is in August. I will only have 12ish lessons under my belt in silver by that point. I’m not sure I’m going to feel comfortable enough to go out in front of people in that amount of time. Not if you include bumping up my Rhythm as well, which Teach says is a possibility. I’m not completely broken up about competing because of the lack of practice, but it is a bit upsetting because it’s good to have something to work toward. Well, it is if you have the time and money to make it happen.

Such is my life right now. Wishing everyone well.

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New Old Home?

I’m sure you’ve all been on the edge of your seats waiting for this blog. I know it’s been a long time coming. I started about 5 posts and never finished any of them. I just couldn’t get my thoughts together. So here’s the short story. I finished at my studio and went to where Teach is and we’re together again. I was tired of the commute to NYC and just tired of NYC in general – the people, the prices, just everything. If you want more of the low down please keep reading.

I’ve cut my travel time in half. I had a 3 hours door to door commute to the NYC studio. The drive to the new studio is 1 hour 35 minutes. Yes, it’s a long time, but not nearly as long as going to NYC. The studio is in an adorable little town in NJ. Parking is free and plentiful (at least early in the afternoon when I went). It was nearly blissful.

The studio itself is decorated just the same as the studio I go to now because it’s owned by the same people/corporation. The size of the floor is smaller and a different shape, but I think I could still learn how to dance there. (please notice sarcasm) They have another small room with a barre for kids classes and lessons.

Being back with Teach has been… interesting. When I left NYC I was starting to get used to Clyde. His choreo was interesting and full and I felt like I was really dancing. I recognized none of the steps, but it was nice to follow and simply dance without thinking about every little technical thing that clouds my mind. Going back to Teach was a bit like having an intense, wild affair and then your husband allows you back. I wish I could think of a different illustration. Needless to say, there’s a little sparkle lacking.

Teach also has other responsibilities being the manager of the studio. He doesn’t teach nearly as much and he’s required to schmooze a bit more. I’ve found our lesson start times are a little loose because he has the responsibility of greeting all the students and signing up everyone for more lessons, etc. He always gives me my full time, but I’ve waited in the corner for 10 minutes past start time waiting. He’s a talker.

Yesterday’s lesson marked a milestone for me. I’ve been very vocal about how I’m Forever Bronze. I don’t feel like I’m in good enough shape or a good enough dancer to move on. I also feel like I want a good foundation and that will help me later on. Plus, the S word implies something. It implies you know what you’re doing. I don’t feel like I know what I’m doing yet. Other than asking whether Clyde moved me up to Silver (*gulp*) yet on my return to him, Teach has been good about not saying the S word, but implying that Clyde may have been teaching me those kinds of routines and throwing some S level patterns at me every once in a while. We’ve been dancing around the issue for two months now! (pun intended) You can likely guess what happened at yesterday’s lesson.

I realized the prior week that I was bored. My dancing is boring. I couldn’t take another day of arm styling my rumba walks. I needed some new mental stimulation. I told this to teach and asked him to do something new with me. I figured he would teach me a bit more Quickstep (which I’ve added because of my new lady teacher, Dimples, recommendation) or finally add Bolero to my repertoire. instead he started teaching me a fun new Foxtrot routine. I knew immediately what he was doing.

Teach: You know what this is, right?

Me: Yes, I’m not stupid, just don’t say it out loud.

Teach: You like it, though?

Me: YES!

Teach: I’ve been waiting for so long for you to be ready. (if he were a dog his tail would have been wagging so hard it would be going in circles)

He then went on to teach me the new, dreaded Foxtrot basic for the next 1 1/2 hours. Complete with technique on frame, directionality, feet, ankles, legs, and timing. It was blissful.  Even when he had me walk like a dinosaur and told me that my body needed to wring out like a washcloth. The end of the matter is that I’m starting Silver in Smooth. I don’t know about Rhythm yet. To be honest, I’m not sure what the difference is between the two. Now I just have to wrap my head around and come to terms with it. That may take a little time. Happy dancing everyone.

 

Crab Walking and Pressure

I never updated you guys on my lesson last week. My lesson schedule is all thrown off because of the sickness and the snow, and therefore, my updating is a work in progress.

Lady J, my new favorite teacher, tried to teach me to walk like a crab in Rumba. I’m told it’s actually called crab walking, so maybe this ocean-themed Rumba isn’t so off this time around. She want’s me to walk in this manner during the step that I can’t think of the name of. Was that vague enough? We open and I walk. But it’s supposed to look like I’m walking almost straight, but on a slight curve. I’m just as confused as you are. She told me I did well, but since I can’t even explain what the heck I’m doing, I’m not sure this was a win.

Clyde taught me the new Rumba routine. They wonder why I never bother to fully learn the routine in the first place because it keeps changing every time I go in. I blow it off as something that dance is famous for, but I don’t have a lot of time for you to figure out what’s going on. Teach me right the first time. Fix me up already. The Cha Cha routine is finally the same, so I can safely learn that one.

Part of the reason that I  waited to update is that I needed to push aside my mood. Since I told the studio that I was needing to switch studios they have all started treating me differently, like they think they can change my mind. The amount of fuss they’re making over me is off-putting. I’m not a show off. I don’t like it when people stare at my unfinished product. I don’t need the whole studio so stop what they’re doing and say goodbye to me each time I leave. It’s weird and it’s a change of habit.

Clyde is really irritating me with the competition talk. He’s not listening to me. He wants me to do a “real” competition with the studio. Summer Invitational to be specific. He tells me I haven’t done one in a year and a half. The Team Match doesn’t count (even though I did competitive heats) for some reason. I keep telling him I can’t afford to do what he wants me to do. I can’t ever afford to participate in a three-day competition in both styles of dance, I have to choose and only do one style. I don’t want to have to do that. That’s why I do Team Match. He just keeps going on and on about it. It’s making me glad that I’m leaving, to be honest. Teach always understood and knew when to stop.

Wrapping up here, my lessons are going very well with Lady J, ok with Clyde. The pressure and weirdness of Studio business practices are pissing me off. I’m getting attention because I’m thinking of leaving. In comparison to most, the piddly amount of money I spend isn’t worth this amount of attention. I hate confrontation and once it’s over, I want it to be over. All this sweet talking me and extra pressure is making me want to run outta there! I did make my last payment on my package, and I scheduled a lesson with Teach at the studio in the chain that he’s managing now. I’ll let you know how it goes. That’s it for now. I don’t feel like exploring the emotions above right now, so happy dancing!

Mermaid Shish Kebab?

I finally had another lesson yesterday. Last week we were bombarded with snow and there was no way I was going out in that. In NYC things don’t stop, but up here in the boonies we don’t have subways to take us where we need to go. Safety wins this one.

With Lady J I went over Rumba movement. She would like me to be more 3 dimensional with my hips. Hello Cuban Motion, we meet again you ugly thing. I need to just get over my shy/introverted/embarrassed/stubborn self and just do it already. I know I can, it just takes more work than I want to show out in public. I sweat and get all out of breath and my muscles are so sore the next day. That much work is no fun in front of the well put together teachers. Obviously, I need to stop whining, too. Something needs to give and it’s me. I’m bored dancing Rhythm the way I have been and they won’t move me on unless I get certain techniques down. Otherwise known as a vicious circle that’s all my fault.

My current dancing brain/body standoff reminds me of the intermediate rut. Not that I’m implying that I’m an intermediate dancer yet, but the thought still counts. My mom used to talk about it in relation to skiing, and I have since applied it to playing piano and other activities that take practice. Progress requires vulnerability. You may fail. You may fall down. You may suck when you first try but at least then they can fix what’s wrong. If you never get out there and try, they can’t fix it. Isn’t that why I’m there, to get better? Once you’ve been vulnerable and just tried you can then take all the things learned and practice, practice, practice.

Back to my lesson with Lady J. When I settle my hip, I tend to settle too much. Like “I’m taking a rest now” too much. So she reminded me to be a Shish Kebab (the title is now making sense, huh). All the meat or veggies twist on the same skewer. I need to be like that. It was like an epiphany. I did so well that she decided to play with me and choreographed a little introduction for an open Rumba routine. (I assume that’s a good thing that indicated progress? Let me know, because I’m a bit shell-shocked and clueless.) Two slow in place cucarachas then two quicks, closing feet at the end. Then two slow closed feet cucarachas and two quick steps to my partner. Arms are over head, down body and ending over partners shoulders. You can imagine the shock. Lady J is some bad-ass Eastern European type, so she won that battle. Those closed feet cucarachas are a beast, though. That is as unnatural a movement as any I’ve tried. Heels together, thighs zipped, transfer weight, don’t forget the Cuban Motion! Yes, be a mermaid. (See title again) This move needs work because I think I may look like I have a bug crawling up my leg.

I thought that this Rumba intro was just for fun, but no. Clyde saw it and now it’s officially my beginning. His change was that he wants me to grab is face when I walk toward him. This Rumba is going places I never wanted/expected to go. I think I’ve crossed a line that I can’t go back over because it was FUN. Clyde was smiling and having so much fun and so was I. We danced the Rumba for Manager Lady and for every person who walked through the door. (This was excessive for me but he seemed to proud, so I gave in.) I’ve officially reached the level of dancing where people watch me, even those people who are at higher levels. It’s a heady feeling, but don’t worry, I want to scurry into my hidey-hole when I notice they’re looking. No cockiness here.

Clyde and I worked on Cha Cha a bit, too. As I expected the routine is changing again. And they wonder why I never bother to remember them in the first place? The best moment was when Clyde told me that he had underestimated me. I like throwing people off. It’s no fun when people think you can do things. Or is it? 😀

Relief

When I walked in the studio yesterday, Manager Lady and all the instructors were preparing their dances for the Team Match. Part of me was glad that I could procrastinate a bit longer.

Clyde had me working on Smooth. He seems to want me to be a bit more dynamic in my dancing. I felt like I was already dancing “big” from what Teach had me do, but Clyde wants even more. More to the point that I feel like I’m going to tip over if I stretch my arm to the side any more. He even brought chairs out and had me do some exercises on them. I made a joke about being afraid that he was going to teach me some Chicago-esqe/Fosse dance moves when the chairs came out. He got very excited and told me he had been part of the cast of Chicago for a while and then started planning a Showcase in his head for me. Joke backfire. There is no way that’s happening. So my Waltz and Foxtrot are going well. The dynamics of my arms mixed with the nice stretches he lets me do are making me feel like a dancer. I’m glad he’s pushing more out of my comfort zone. (I can’t believe I said that.)

Lady J and I had a wonderful lesson, too. She worked on my Tango, specifically opening into Fan. I know it sounds like a simple thing, but I can make the simple seem impossible. Then we reviewed Swing. I have to do some Rhythm each time or my body forgets everything. She gave me some good points on turns and fixed some parts where I decided to become a ballerina in the middle. For the record, I was never a ballerina, but somehow I do weird things in the middle of dances. Again, I can make the simple impossible. Overall, Lady J is a wonderful teacher for me. The drill method seems to be working. The movements are staying in my body!

After my lessons, I talked to the front desk ladies for a while about my decision to change studios. They were NOT happy. It’s a bit surprising to me. I know they don’t like people to leave for $$$ reasons. They have a script to follow and all that, but it seemed to genuine that they would miss me. I am likable, I guess. Maybe. If I let you get to know me. The one secretary told me that my personality was desperately needed in their studio and that I would be a great loss. (What? I’m there twice a month!) I talked to Under Manager. She echoed the sentiments and said we would talk more. That’s slightly ominous sounding. I want it to be over with, but you know they’re going to have to come back with some sort of counter offer. I did come out with saying that they’re all under the same corporation. It’s not like I’m leaving for their actual competition. Everyone got a look that suggested I was not entirely correct in that statement. I guess there’s more competition between then I expected. I have eight lessons and a coaching left at the studio. I’m thinking that I’ll call and start at the new studio next month. Yes, I’m heartless.

Waiting

Boy I’ve been sick. The Flu, a head cold progressing into sinus infections and ear infections. I haven’t had a lesson in a month, but here I am, in NYC, at Harvey and Sons Tea with my daughter, having tea, waiting for lesson time. I would be lying if I didn’t admit to being nervous.

I’ve kind of gotten a handle on how Clyde teaches. This is half the trouble sometimes. I need to know what they expect from me so that I can deliver it to my best ablility. Clyde teacher in a similar manner to the other teachers I’ve read about. He teaches a routine that incompasses the syllabus moves and then perfects it. The problem is that I’m just not remembering the routine. I haven’t been taught that way. I live a lot of life between lessons, and let’s be honest, I’m not practicing daily in between them. Should I be? Yes. But it just hasn’t happened. Especially the past three weeks that I’ve been sick. Needless to say, I’m rusty and Clyde won’t be happy.

This is also the day that I need to bite the bullet and tell Manager Lady that I have to switch studios. The time has arrived and I loathe confrontation. You would think that no one ever switched studios before with the way I feel. I don’t want to hurt feelings, but I keep reminding myself that I’m paying them and, therefore, get what I want if they want my continued business in their company. Twenty minutes till showtime. Hopefully I’ll have time to update everyone after. 

Many Things in Flux

I’ve been ignoring important dance portions of the blog for a while. I’m sorry about that, but it’s been a lot of processing lately. The sort of processing that doesn’t translate well to written words. It still doesn’t, so forgive the ramble.

I’ve guided new teacher Clyde to Rhythm dances. One, because he’s appalled by how awful my dancing of them is. Two, I don’t feel like I can have him tear apart Smooth. My smooth belongs to Teach and it feels too personal for Clyde to comment on yet. This has been working because I feel like I’m improving some in Rhythm. Lady J has been instrumental in this as well. She’s a driller. I thrive on being drilled. That’s the only way to just get it into muscle memory for me. Drill, drill, drill. Cha Cha lock steps across the entire floor forward and backward, cha cha from side to side all accross the floor again. Yes, I could do some of this at home, but there’s nothing like having instant feedback. For the record, I do practice some at home, it’s just not as much as I would like.

So far Clyde, Lady J and I have worked on Cha Cha, Mambo, and Rumba. This week we’re working on Swing (my kryptonite) and Clyde would like to start Bolero, which I am completely on board with. I can’t wait!

Even thought I’m settling in with my new teachers and see the value of having several teachers, I’m still missing Teach a bit. I have a lot of lessons left before I can switch studios, and, therefore, several months before I see Teach again. It also helps that he understands my financial circumstances well. Clyde and Lady J are being much more pushy about my taking more lessons even though I can’t afford any more.

I feel so tentative in my dancing. I feel like Teach left with some of my love of dance. I don’t like that. I always thought that I loved dance for DANCE. For the expression of it. I’ve been completely thrown off kilter.

So, there’s been a bit of depression in the house. It’s been rough going back to work; My daughter has not been getting on my last nerve for too long now with homeschooling; My mother (secondary teacher to daughter and primary caregiver while I work) is doing temp work that makes things more difficult during the week; My doctor wanted to me to try to wean off my antidepressants; I’ve put on too much weight and my doctor is upset; All this has been too much for my anxiety and depression. I’m back on my meds and am feeling much better now.

Hopefully life looks up from here. I completed a Whole 30 without much issue and lost 6 pounds. I hope to keep it together to get back to my normal self. My husband is very supportive of my mental health (not my dancing – he doesn’t understand how linked they are); he has been buying me flowers and doing the grocery shopping. I some of these things don’t have a direct relationship to dance, but Teach left at the wrong time for me. I can sound as selfish as I want on my own blog, right? It was too much, but I’m putting the pieces together with lots of help. I’m starting to enjoy dancing again. And I can’t wait to learn some Bolero tomorrow. Hopefully I’ll be back soon this time.

The Current Standings

Sorry I left you all hanging like that. Typing was too much of an inconvenience for me and homeschool paperwork takes precedence over blogging. Now my hand is almost normal, so I’ll try to get the emotions under control and spill the story.

I didn’t end up having to call Teach myself; he called me the day after my last post, on Saturday. The end result of that conversation: he received a promotion to Manager of the Glen Rock studio. He’s leaving. I managed to keep my cool and he fit me in for a final lesson that following week to discuss his plan for me. I managed to keep my cool and tell him how much he deserves it (he does), even though it’s devastating to me.

When I hung up the phone I immediately talked to my family and their first reaction was, ” He knows you’re going with him right? How long does it take to drive there?” Google Maps tells me that it’s only 1 1/2 hours. It takes me 3 to commute now. One way. Honestly, I stayed at that studio because it’s rare to find a person you click with. If I’m anything, I’m loyal. I have noticed that a few students have stayed with their teacher as they rise in the corporation. I also know that I don’t spend nearly the same amount of money these ladies spend. Is he supposed to ask me to stay with him, or do I ask him, or is that just wrong? Because I’m ready for less of a commute. I know I have to drive this way, but I’m still ready.

At my lesson, we danced a lot of (social-like) Foxtrot because I asked for it. It’s one of the few I can converse through. (Muscle memory win.) After verifying that he would be still teaching lessons, I asked him right out if it would be a bit like a crazy ex-girlfriend if I went to the other studio with him. End of story: I can choose to do that. Teach has to behave ethically now – he can’t steal his students to the other studio (even though they’re under the same corp), that’s not right. My perception was that he wouldn’t mind at all continuing to teach me. He did make me promise to try it out with Clyde (Teach’s friend who was hanging around our lesson last time and helped make me cry) and Lady J (I do need more consistent lady lessons). It’s the only thing I can do because there’s a slight problem – I have a contract that is only half over. I also need to find out if my free coaching and a few other goodies can transfer to the other studio. So I won’t be seeing Teach for a while. I have 2 months of payments still to make before I can go and sign another contract.

Since I’m on leave from work for my finger, and I want to get back to Teach ASAP, I’m taking extra lesson. How did lessons with Clyde and Lady J go, you ask? Lady J is wonderful. I have no problem taking lessons with lady teachers ever. We worked on arm styling and fully transferring weight in the Rumba. Lesson with Clyde was ok. It started as a “get to know you” and quickly went to overwhelming me with all kind of information and fixing me to the point that I felt like I couldn’t dance at all. Oh! and he taught me several new figures, too. Or he tried to. People look at me and think I’m extroverted and fun and gregarious. I’m faking it. It takes a long time for me to get used to men and I have Victorian sensibilities. Clyde did something on a first lesson that Teach hasn’t tried at all yet. He wanted me to Foxtrot sexy. Big no-no. It’s not going to happen. I got used to Teach over 3 years and I still couldn’t dance a serious rumba with him. Just no. Did I mention Clyde is 22? Hello, cougar. Did I mention he tried to sweet talk me into believing he thought I was 24? I’m too old for that crap. Did I mention there’s a bit of a language barrier? We’re not getting each other yet. I’m giving him more chances because I’ve had lessons with all the other guys in the studio and, guess what, none of them were Teach. I have a problem.

I have another lesson tomorrow so I hope to have more news for you. Manager Lady is keeping a close eye on Clyde and checked up with me after my lessons. I just didn’t think it was the time to tell her that I’m leaving. I did mention that I don’t have an opinion on Clyde yet. It’s too soon. May your dance life me less crazy than mine.

Future Looking Uncertain

This is what happens when you don’t go to your scheduled lesson. I was on Facebook and I saw that Teach was promoted to management. Some of his students were writing those heartfelt messages and showing pics. Now who’s my teacher? Sometimes managers continue to teach their long time students (I’m his longest). Do I want to continue at this studio? I’ve stayed for Teach, because no one has fit so well with my personality, you know I’ve tried. I also like the way they teach there compared to the local franchise. You know what? I just gave my mom advice today to stop worrying until you know for sure what’s going on. Seems like I should take that advice for myself. Guess I’m making a call Monday.

Be Careful What You Ask For

I wish I had written this post in a more timely manner because I broke my finger yesterday and typing is difficult. This is the post taking a week to type.

I have managed to have several productive lessons this month. Productive as in I’m learning a TON, but the growing pains did come out a bit.

We took my new, beautiful Smooth frame and applied to my dances while in hold. It is terribly difficult to find and then maintain this position. It also required a bit more consistent body contact than I have been used to in the past. On the other hand, our heads are farther apart, which is very nice. Somehow I’m used to body touching, but I don’t like our heads to be close together. I know I’m weird. Sadly, the only dance we didn’t do was Viennese Waltz. I did ask for it after D_Wall wrote such a lovely post on how it feels to dance, but Teach was so caught up in excitement over Tango that we didn’t get to it. I was worth it to hear Teach screaming, “More head, more head! I need more head!!!” down the long wall.

Last week I started our double with a question that precipitated a whole lotta’ lesson. “I’m starting to understand how my posture and frame are supposed to be in hold, but what about out of hold, specifically in shadow position?” I need to learn to keep my mouth shut. I was taught all right, and I’m still reeling.

First, Teach brought in another lady teacher to adjust me as we went – so a coaching ended up happening. I need to come up with a name for her, maybe Lady J to keep it all simple. Imagine 15 minutes of shadow position adjustment, followed by 30 minutes of how to roll out into fan position.  Then imagine it with 4 hands readjusting you every time. It was feeling a bit hopeless, but, trying to think positively, Lady J had to readjust less and less each time. All this adjusting also meant that we had to talk about counter balance and that just makes me think about how I don’t want him to bear any of my weight. I’m heavy and it makes me nervous. He had me lean into fan until I was going to fall over to prove that he would never let me fall. Cue my near tears. I understand logically, but the emotion of all this doesn’t understand the logic.

Next, we were supposed to have an alone lesson, but Teach’s friend was transferred from another studio and he decided to hand around and help (for free) half THAT lesson. Until I cried. Then he left. Friend (I can’t think of a name right now) had MORE things to fix. I had MORE hands on me and it just proved to be too much for the sensitive side of me. I don’t even remember anything that happened on the rest of the lesson. I just know that Teach fixed things up and made pretty so that I left feeling OK and not a piece of crap. I know that this is what I pay for. This is how you get better. Yet, how do I change my brain waves to “they’re picking on me and nothing is right” to “I’m getting so much better over this lesson”?  No one would be blogging if we knew the answer.

This is all I’ve got in me to type. Hubby was appalled that I was going to go to my lesson with a purple, sausage-shaped broken finger – so I cancelled. I have to keep that man happy, too.