A Return (of sorts)

Hello all. It wasn’t very nice of me to dissapear like that. My only excuse is the usual one times 10. My husband had a massive heart attack and had to have Triple Bypass. He did great throughout. I got crazy. And my daughter got crazy, too.

I suffer with chronic depression and some anxiety that has worsened over time. It’s no joke. I’ve been under a cloud for the past year with no end in sight, trying to hold it together for my daugheter, who has been having regular panic attacks since last Septemeber. It took until three days ago that I was able to relax enough and just be to think about what was going on in this corner of the world.

A lot happened and a lot didn’t. I’m kind of sad that there’s not much activity anymore. A few of the good old reads for me, but noone is quite the same. It’s ok, though. I still feel like putting my dance thoughts on here. I never expected complete anonymity. I hoped for it when I first started blogging, but I’ve moderated my thoughts enough toward the end because I figured someone would find me. I think this just might end up being a more of an anything and everything blog. I think I intended that from the beginning, but dance has been such a grounding point in my life and I “met” so many fun dancers on here that I didn’t want to clutter up their feeds with other posts. But I’m a busy person with a lot on my plate and I may need to get it all out on here.

The dance update: I continue to dance. I took off 3 months for my husband’s surgery because I just couldn’t leave him, even with him doing so well. That time was about him, not me. He doesn’t like that I dance and I felt I needed to give him his deserved attention. I’m still a Silver Smoothie. Rhythm has fallen to the wayside. I don’t have the money to progress in that style, end of story. I will be forever bronze and I’m (kind of ) coming to terms with that. I’m still with Teach. Other teachers have come and gone. There’s a new couple who spend part-time at this studio and part-time at another in the corporation. I danced some smooth heats at a MiniMatch (a small comp at one of the studios) and he is great. I plan to take lessons with him occasionally to keep up with Rhythm and possibly add Latin and Social for fun. Teach and I will focus on Smooth. I’m good with this. 😀 I also did my first Showcase (like a show dance) with Teach last month. I dance to Roxie from the movie of Chicago. It was completely out of my comfort zone and great fun. As you can see, I’ve been plowing through everything. I have no events in my future because of the good old money situation. It’s expensive to dance and I just don’t have it.

I still home school my daughter. She’s in 9th grade and I can’t believe it! I seriously considered putting her back in public school this year, not because I don’t think I can teach HS, but because of the mental health issues we’ve been facing. Home schoolers don’t get any support without paying for it, and I thought that it would be better for us both to take a break. But then her panic attacks started and she just cried about going to school and I couldn’t do it to her. So I’m stuck. I don’t enjoy homeschooling, but it’s only 4 more years. 3 if she just does it! I can do this.

So a long post to return. I won’t promise to be regular; I don’t have it in me to plan enough content for that. But I’m here and I’m reading your stories again. Sorry I missed so much. Happy dancing, all!



I walked into Studio #2 with intentions of fixing my issues. Instead, I took a lesson with Mini.

I was emotionally tired, but dance usually perks me up. I was frustrated with myself and the situation and my inability to do something about it. (My fear of confrontation coming out.) I really tried to hide it and just dance, but Mini picked up on it midway through our second dance. He just assumed I was sleepy tired. I was tired because all those emotions are exhausting. But somehow, his assumption that I was sleepy tired triggered a huge attitude adjustment. I felt like a teenager that pouts and whines even when on vacation in Ireland (my step daughter). I wasn’t really tired. Who am I to be a complete princess when I’m learning something that not everyone has the means to do?

From there I led the lesson in terms of dances. West Coast Swing had me smiling and laughing. Cha Cha had me cheering when I managed a complicated, to me, figure on time. It turned into one of the better lessons I’ve had at Studio #2, and my best with Mini. Sometimes it really is all about attitude.

On that note, Showcase is coming up at Studio #2. I had such a blast with the Quickstep in June that I’m thinking of participating again. Also, since competition with Studio #1 is out, it will keep me motivated in my dancing. I had picked out a Tango to do, but since it will be dance with Mini, I think I’d better pick out a new song to one of the dances I enjoy with him more. I’m going to get on that soon.

Who knew that all those quotes about attitude were correct? Anyone else need an attitude adjustment from time to time?

Summer Life Wrap-Up

It’s about that time. Summer was great, but fall is in the air. I feel like thinking about the stuff I’ve done (or not) this summer.

  • I danced in my first Showcase.
  • I read nearly all the books I planned to.
  • Walked the Brooklyn Bridge with my mom and daughter.
  • Visited the World Trade Center Memorial.
  • Swam. A lot.
  • Finished with my Invisalign treatment. Permanent retainer in place.
  • Introduced my daughter to all the disgusting, chemical laden candy of my childhood. (War Heads, anyone?)
  • Visited NY Botanical Garden. Enjoyed the Frida Kahlo exhibit. (Daughter keeps asking if she has a unibrow.)
  • Did not go on a vacation. Booooo.
  • Ended up doing no homeschool with my daughter. I wanted to, but we were burnt out after last year and needed the break.
  • Had two nasty colds.
  • Subscribed to Geek Box. I love it!
  • Subscribed to Book Riot Quarterly Boxes. Love them! Now I just need to read the books that came.
  • Daughter seems to be losing all her teeth. All those molars!
  • I got a pedicure. (Yes, only one.)
  • Decided with Daughter that she would like to focus on gymnastics this year. Goodbye Ballet and Tap. I’m a bit sad, but she turned 11 and knows what she likes.
  • Visited Harney and Sons Soho for tea.
  • Rediscovered NetGalley.
  • Recalled why I stopped using NetGalley. (Must review all those books!)

There’s my Summer in a nutshell. Nothing earth shattering. I hope others had a wonderful summer. Looking forward to what Autumn brings!

Like a Duck?

This is nearly a week late because life happened before editing was finished.

The new secretary at Studio #1 didn’t know that Mr. R isn’t my primary, so I got a surprise this past week. I’m not too upset (this is a lie – internally I’m screaming and stamping my feet like a two year old). The logical side of my brain tells me it’s good to get different perspectives on my dancing. I went with this mature perspective for the sake of appearances. Adult hissy fits are unattractive.

Mr. R admits that he is still getting a feel for how I move so he can choose the things he wants to work on. Likewise, I’m still getting used to his teaching. He caught a few things that I need to improve on. In Rumba I need to glue my thighs together in cross body so I pivot easier. We also worked on arm styling. I didn’t have much before this lesson, to be honest. I’ve just gotten out of the T-Rex arms phase! The style he taught me doesn’t make me uncomfortable. Teach #1 was trying to get me to be too sexy. I don’t feel/look/desire to look overtly sexy. When Mr. R suggested I do that, I told him it makes me want to giggle manically in embarrassment. I just feel silly. Instead of giving me a pep talk about how I should feel better about myself, he just said. Don’t do it, then. How simple was that. Maybe I’ll start using my arms now that some of the pressure to be something I’m not is gone.
Tango. (Warning: my brain doesn’t always work in complete sentences) Two things to remember. Number One, I need to grip his thigh between mine better so he knows I’m in position for the next step. My mind has to process: Yes, there is a strange mans leg between yours. You signed up for this. Get a grip. Number Two, when he leads to promenade, my left foot needs to turn with my body. It is more comfortable this way. And Get a Down There. Use those quads! You do squats for a reason! We also had fun doing a very sassy under arm turn. I’ve always don’t it pretty basic, but now it’s: Fan, step point, step swivel, step step close. Make sense? That first swivel makes a huge difference.

Mr. R loves some Argentine. Notes to self. Turn out feet. Don’t bend knees – this isn’t smooth! Stick bum out “like a duckling”. I kid you not. He wants my butt sticking out like I’m a duck. Not the visual I usually think of when I think Argentine Tango, but it was effective. Having my bum stick out helps with the chest move, body move, feet move last phenomenon.
I’m starting to really feel good about Mr. R as a teacher. He’s given me a lot of great things to think about and, hopefully, execute in my dancing. A good foundation is so important in dance, but also in all learning. I hope these small technical details are going to pay off later.

Showcase lesson went well, if well = my head may explode. They keep telling me that this is an easy routine. I can’t imagine what a hard one looks like. Plus, I have a serious case of performance anxiety already. I know it’s not until next month, but the panic sets in early. What was I thinking?!?!
Time for tea. Happy dancing, everyone.

The Dance High is Dangerous

So, today I took Little Mop Top to her dance lesson at Studio #2, as usual. They started choreography for the Student Showcase taking place in June. She’s doing an American Tango with her teacher and a Slow Waltz with her father. There will be tears that day. Hubs is starting some lessons again just so he can dance with LMT.

Back to the point, LMT’s teacher grabbed me after her lesson for a Viennese Waltz. My first dance since injury. I’m a bit rusty, but that one dance just felt so good. It felt so good, he talked me into doing a showcase with him. My first showcase! What was I thinking? I have to dance in front of people….alone. Eeeeeek!
I asked newly dubbed Teach 2 which dances were lacking in the showcase so far. End result, I need either a Quickstep or Rumba song by next week. I’m so nervous to have to learn a routine. For Team Match I just followed, so I’ve never had a routine before. Here’s hoping my body and memory can keep up.
The dance high is dangerous! Look what it got me into!